National Infertility Awareness Week

This week is National Infertility Awareness week. For the past few years during this week especially I can remember scrolling through countless blog posts of other women who were struggling with infertility. I was just looking for someone who really understood. Unless you have walked though it, it may be hard to understand the toll that infertility can take on someone emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I’ve often struggled feeling guilty about grieving infertility and how I mourned our pregnancy loss, thinking that it shouldn’t be a big deal. But friends, it is a big deal. So many men and women struggling with infertility feel hopeless and alone.

The first couple of years of infertility, was consumed with anger and bitterness. Countless nights were spent sobbing myself to sleep while Justin comforted me. I felt hopeless and wondered will I ever be a mother, and I felt broken. It was somewhere around year 3 where my heart started to change. I can remember asking God for joy, and joy and peace in our waiting and to heal my heart. Slowly but surely things started to change. I realized I didn’t want to waste this time of Infertility. I didn’t want to miss out anymore on celebrating with my friends and family that were pregnant because this really was an exciting time for them and I love them! I thought to myself, “Do I want their story, or the one God has for us?” Fast forward 2 years and we did get pregnant but if you have been reading my previous blog posts you’ll know we lost that baby. Through loss we still have immense hope but also knowing a baby isn’t the end goal anymore. I am not my infertility. I am more than what my body can produce and God sees that, and I see that now. I’m loved and precious in his eyes. I desire to be a mother and am holding fast to the hope that I will be someday.

Justin and I are overjoyed to be growing our family though adoption and see how this really was God’s first plan for us, but infertility will always be apart of us though and our story no matter if we ever have biological children someday. I think it’s important to know how to support friends and others that are struggling with infertility. Everyone is different and people process things differently, but if you ask someone how you can support them that’s a great first step. To anyone reading that’s struggling, I see you and you’re not alone.

Be Intentional.

I’ve been trying to think of a word that I want to focus on this year. I want to be more purposeful in all aspects of my life and the word INTENTIONAL kept coming to mind. It’s easy to just go through the motions and worry about things I have no control over.

I want my relationship with God to be intentional.

I want marriage to be intentional.

I want my friendships to be intentional.

I want my photography work to be intentional.

I want to be intentional about taking care of my physical and emotional health.

What’s a word that you want to focus on this year?

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Gluten Free Cinnamon Rolls

I’m so excited to share this recipe with you. I’ve tried this twice and both times the cinnamon rolls have been divine. For the past few months I’ve been craving cinnamon rolls, but just haven’t been able to find a gluten free recipe that I liked. Then I came across this one at Iowa girl eats blog. They have the light fluffy texture I’ve been looking for and super easy to make! Click on the link HERE to view the recipe. I used Bob’s red Mill Cup for Cup gluten free flour blend. This is different from the Bob’s red mill all purpose blend. You can purchase the flour HERE or it is available in most grocery stores.

Some tips: It’s really important to make sure you have the right temperature milk mixture for the yeast. 110 degrees is perfect.

  • My rolls didn’t puff up as much as the original recipe but still tasted great. I think next time I will try to proof the rolls in my oven which will help activate the rising properties in the yeast, and hopefully cause my dough to double in size.

  • These rolls also are great when reheated. Justin has been able to take a cinnamon roll to work almost everyday this week and he just pops them in the microwave for about 25 seconds and enjoys them with a hot cup of coffee!

Our Pregnancy Loss

I remember telling Justin I don’t know what I would do if I ever saw a positive pregnancy test. It was a Monday October afternoon when I decided to take a test. In a matter of seconds after testing I saw two pink lines. I can’t explain what I was feeling in that moment. Shock, confusion, excitment, you name it I felt it all! For the first time in over 4 years I saw a positive pregnancy test.

I told Justin that evening as soon as he got home from work. I had dreamed about the day I could tell Justin that I was pregnant and that he was going to be a father. The pure joy we both felt in that moment is a day I’ll never forget, and I’ll look back at this as one of the best days of my life thus far. The next few days consisted of blood work and doctors appointments. Since I was considered high risk I was seen right away. Just a few days later we found out that I was losing the pregnancy.

I think one of the hardest parts was physically feeling my body go through these changes of losing the pregnancy. This child that we had hoped and prayed for was a reality then all of sudden faded away. I’ve never really understood the feeling of being heartbroken until that moment. I was so confused. Why would be pregnant if only to lose the pregnancy? I believe God is faithful but why is this so painful, and why does this have to be a part of our story? The days following our loss were rough. I was so thankful for Justin and his support even in his time of grieving and also for dear friends that understood our pain.

I remember not wanting to see anyone the days following. That weekend Justin and some friends were working on replacing our garage roof. That morning I wanted to sneak out unseen but as I was backing out of the driveway to run errands my friend Paul chased after the car and began knocking on the window. All I could think to my self was,”oh no I don’t want to talk to anyone.” I rolled down the window and Paul didn’t say a word but gave me a big hug. That’s all I needed in that moment, no words, no advice, just a friend and a hug and to know that it was going to be okay.

It’s a weird juxtaposition to feel so much sadness and pain but also overflowing peace and joy. I used to think I had to feel one or the other but, infertility has taught me that God is faithful, even if that means our story doesn’t end in a pregnancy or a baby for that matter, but that HE is enough.


Friday Introductions

Hello!

I really haven’t properly introduced myself in a while so I figured it was about time. My name is Kyah Jo and I live in Wisconsin with my husband Justin and dog Kirk. I would say I’m introverted but I do enjoy spending time with a few people that I feel really get me and vice versa. Is it cliche to say I like coffee? Because I do, and I should considering I also work at a wonderful little coffee shop in the off season!

I am nearing 30 years old and this past year have just discovered some new interests that I wish I would have years ago. I’ve recently starting learning how to knit and really enjoy it. It’s so relaxing, after you get past the hand cramping:) I also starting playing video games and board games. Justin loves video games and board games so being able to share those interests together have been really special. ( Just please don’t ask Justin how many hours I’ve put in playing Fortnite, I swear its not over 300 hours!) We always love new board game suggestions and sharing our favorites so please let us know your favorites!

Music is a passion of mine. I’ve starting to learn to play guitar and drums and it’s been a blast. I really like being able to express myself through music and encouraging myself to take on new challenges.

Thanks for reading and I love to meet new people so please don’t hesitate to say hi!

Photo credit: Katie and Joe Bauer


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Hummingbird Cake

I love to bake and I have a goal for myself this year to try and bake/cook my way through some of my cookbooks. This Hummingbird cake recipe is from the Kinfolk Table. One of the reasons I love this book is not only for its wonderful recipes but for its photography. The photos are stunning and somedays I just like to page through the book without making anything. Just click on the links below to view the recipe and buy the book! Happy baking!

Recipe can be found HERE.

You can purchase the book HERE.

Our Infertility Journey Part II.

In this post I want to go over some of what we’ve found out medically about our fertility and the steps we have been taking. Justin’s mother(Michelle)was working outside one day and her neighbor approached her and said that there was something she felt that God wanted her to share with Michelle. She said that there were a few women in her church that were struggling with infertility and depression and that it was related to their thyroid. She also shared the name of a doctor that these women recommended. Michelle’s neighbor had no idea of our fertility struggles but felt strongly led to tell her this information. Michelle mentioned this to a few women, I being one of them, and Michelle told me today as we spoke, that this information must have been meant for me. I look back on this moment and so clearly see God working and that he used Michelle’s neighbor and Michelle to help us. You guys, I can’t make this stuff up!

We didn’t want to ignore or brush this off, so we made an appointment with the nurse practitioner that we were seeing at the time. I had my thyroid levels tested and she said that everything looked normal. Because of Michelle’s neighbor sharing this information, we pushed for a full thyroid panel to be done and have an antibody test which required us to have testing done at another practice in town. The test showed that I have Hashimotos Thyroidits which is an autoimmune disorder, and hypothyroidism.

On top of all that I also had food allergy tests done and have gone gluten and dairy free. Fast forward about a year later I found out that I had PCOS or Polysystic Ovarion Syndrome. Hashimotos combined with PCOS are the main factors contributing to our fertility struggles. I am thankful that we’ve taken the time to figure out more about my body and are taking the time to heal it. I so appreciate you all for reading and allowing me to be vulnerable and real. If you want, please pray with us, hope with us, but also grieve with us as we continue in this journey.