Our Pregnancy Loss

I remember telling Justin I don’t know what I would do if I ever saw a positive pregnancy test. It was a Monday October afternoon when I decided to take a test. In a matter of seconds after testing I saw two pink lines. I can’t explain what I was feeling in that moment. Shock, confusion, excitment, you name it I felt it all! For the first time in over 4 years I saw a positive pregnancy test.

I told Justin that evening as soon as he got home from work. I had dreamed about the day I could tell Justin that I was pregnant and that he was going to be a father. The pure joy we both felt in that moment is a day I’ll never forget, and I’ll look back at this as one of the best days of my life thus far. The next few days consisted of blood work and doctors appointments. Since I was considered high risk I was seen right away. Just a few days later we found out that I was losing the pregnancy.

I think one of the hardest parts was physically feeling my body go through these changes of losing the pregnancy. This child that we had hoped and prayed for was a reality then all of sudden faded away. I’ve never really understood the feeling of being heartbroken until that moment. I was so confused. Why would be pregnant if only to lose the pregnancy? I believe God is faithful but why is this so painful, and why does this have to be a part of our story? The days following our loss were rough. I was so thankful for Justin and his support even in his time of grieving and also for dear friends that understood our pain.

I remember not wanting to see anyone the days following. That weekend Justin and some friends were working on replacing our garage roof. That morning I wanted to sneak out unseen but as I was backing out of the driveway to run errands my friend Paul chased after the car and began knocking on the window. All I could think to my self was,”oh no I don’t want to talk to anyone.” I rolled down the window and Paul didn’t say a word but gave me a big hug. That’s all I needed in that moment, no words, no advice, just a friend and a hug and to know that it was going to be okay.

It’s a weird juxtaposition to feel so much sadness and pain but also overflowing peace and joy. I used to think I had to feel one or the other but, infertility has taught me that God is faithful, even if that means our story doesn’t end in a pregnancy or a baby for that matter, but that HE is enough.


Friday Introductions

Hello!

I really haven’t properly introduced myself in a while so I figured it was about time. My name is Kyah Jo and I live in Wisconsin with my husband Justin and dog Kirk. I would say I’m introverted but I do enjoy spending time with a few people that I feel really get me and vice versa. Is it cliche to say I like coffee? Because I do, and I should considering I also work at a wonderful little coffee shop in the off season!

I am nearing 30 years old and this past year have just discovered some new interests that I wish I would have years ago. I’ve recently starting learning how to knit and really enjoy it. It’s so relaxing, after you get past the hand cramping:) I also starting playing video games and board games. Justin loves video games and board games so being able to share those interests together have been really special. ( Just please don’t ask Justin how many hours I’ve put in playing Fortnite, I swear its not over 300 hours!) We always love new board game suggestions and sharing our favorites so please let us know your favorites!

Music is a passion of mine. I’ve starting to learn to play guitar and drums and it’s been a blast. I really like being able to express myself through music and encouraging myself to take on new challenges.

Thanks for reading and I love to meet new people so please don’t hesitate to say hi!

Photo credit: Katie and Joe Bauer


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Hummingbird Cake

I love to bake and I have a goal for myself this year to try and bake/cook my way through some of my cookbooks. This Hummingbird cake recipe is from the Kinfolk Table. One of the reasons I love this book is not only for its wonderful recipes but for its photography. The photos are stunning and somedays I just like to page through the book without making anything. Just click on the links below to view the recipe and buy the book! Happy baking!

Recipe can be found HERE.

You can purchase the book HERE.

Our Infertility Journey Part II.

In this post I want to go over some of what we’ve found out medically about our fertility and the steps we have been taking. Justin’s mother(Michelle)was working outside one day and her neighbor approached her and said that there was something she felt that God wanted her to share with Michelle. She said that there were a few women in her church that were struggling with infertility and depression and that it was related to their thyroid. She also shared the name of a doctor that these women recommended. Michelle’s neighbor had no idea of our fertility struggles but felt strongly led to tell her this information. Michelle mentioned this to a few women, I being one of them, and Michelle told me today as we spoke, that this information must have been meant for me. I look back on this moment and so clearly see God working and that he used Michelle’s neighbor and Michelle to help us. You guys, I can’t make this stuff up!

We didn’t want to ignore or brush this off, so we made an appointment with the nurse practitioner that we were seeing at the time. I had my thyroid levels tested and she said that everything looked normal. Because of Michelle’s neighbor sharing this information, we pushed for a full thyroid panel to be done and have an antibody test which required us to have testing done at another practice in town. The test showed that I have Hashimotos Thyroidits which is an autoimmune disorder, and hypothyroidism.

On top of all that I also had food allergy tests done and have gone gluten and dairy free. Fast forward about a year later I found out that I had PCOS or Polysystic Ovarion Syndrome. Hashimotos combined with PCOS are the main factors contributing to our fertility struggles. I am thankful that we’ve taken the time to figure out more about my body and are taking the time to heal it. I so appreciate you all for reading and allowing me to be vulnerable and real. If you want, please pray with us, hope with us, but also grieve with us as we continue in this journey.

Our Infertility Journey Part I.

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I’ve been wanting to share this blog post for a while now, but it’s a little scary for me to be so vulnerable. Infertility and miscarriage can feel so lonely at times, I wanted to start blogging about our journey because my hope is that our story can encourage others and let them know that they are not alone.

My husband Justin and I got married in the summer of 2012. I was fresh out of college and he was in his second year of graduate school. I remember our first year of marriage we were nervous about getting pregnant right away and didn’t feel as if we were ready. Little did I know what the next 5 years would hold for us. At the moment when we decided we wanted and were ready to have kids is when I became a mother in my heart. Months passed which turned into years and still no baby. I can’t quite describe the pain of every month grieving the loss of a child that you hope so deeply for. It has been about 5 years of hoping and waiting for us. There is a quote by David Platt that sums up what I feel. “There is a unique pain that comes from prepping a place in your heart for a child that never comes.”

My desire in blogging about our infertility is to ultimately bring glory to God and to share with you how this journey has brought Justin and I closer together and united us in our marriage. I want to share the hope and joy we have even in our time of waiting, but also talk about the grief and pain infertility and miscarriage brings.